Merry Christmas… ODF’s

T’was the night before Christmas…
and out on the trail…
those old Dover farts…
gone back to Wingdale.

Just looking around…
not much to remember…
just an old pair of sneakers…
as they sat on a fender.

Everything’s gone…
that much is now clear…
but I wish we could race here…
for just one more year.

Just then a small Elf…
pops out of that shoe…
with a white fuzzy face…
and a microphone too.

Said… “Attention…! in the pits…
and your other parts too…
I’ll grant you that wish…
but after I do.

If you out run my rig…
then meet me to Sam’s…
you’ll get back your track…
and all of this land.”

So… the one with the coupe…
was the one on the spot…
sez “I’ll take your bet…
let’s see what you got.”

That Elf’s magic mic…
he waved like a wand…
like Popalatis’ old flag…
when all this begun.

With all lightning’s tremble…
and earthquakes it’s true…
and everything changed…
back to what we all knew.

The loudspeakers were hung …
on the tele-poles with great care…
and that old Christmas tree…
in staging right there.

Once again there it stood…
that funky old tower…
with the Welcome Back sign…
to the drag strip at Dover…

Now… that little Elf…
he meant what he said…
and out from his trailer…
well… it wasn’t a sled.

It had twelve shining Ponchos…
all blown with injectors…
and shining valve covers…
out for a new record.

Each engine he’d name it…
after someone he’d beat…
then held up his hand…
from his tiny seat.

And then to push start it…
he called on his crew…
saying…on Road Knight…on Outlaw…
on Champion too.

On Giant… On Bad News…
on Pumpkin… let’s go…
on… Shottgun Express…
you’re movin’ too slow.

Crank on… Hellzapoppin’…
Locomotion two…
Bring it on… Blown Hearse…
let’s go… U.S. Mule.

The Ponchos all fired…
and rumbled and cackled…
to capture that record …
without any hassle.

Like a smoking volcano…
he lit up his slicks…
with header pipes flaming…
all ninety six.

Then lines up and WHAPS it…
by that old Christmas tree…
blinking yellows on top…
then red ones and green.

Then… to my amazement…
and a flash of green light…
from there in my grandstand…
a most awesome sight.

He launched like a rocket…
with wheels standing high…
I swallowed my cigar…
as all that went by.

And… the sound of twelve engines…
at eight thousand RPM’s…
tore up that asphalt…
on down to the end.

He broke for the traps…
in just a quick second…
with a loud sonic boom.
and a new land speed record.

Those chutes all popped open…
all bright green and red…
and everyone remembered…
just what he had said.

Then back at Sam’s…
with glasses held high…
peppermint schnapps…
and… all a good night…!!!